A bad day… a bad week… we’ve all had them. I remember a particularly horrible day quite a few years ago. I really don’t know why but it was one of those days. It was like a big gray cloud of gloom and doom came over me. Sara was worried.
Everything felt and was gray, desperate, and hopeless and nothing seemed to help. Everything seemed to be reinforcing my worthlessness. The car started having a funny noise that I knew was serious, Sara was still sick and I couldn’t do anything to help, I wasn’t feeling close to God, short term cash flow was tight, and work was very political and I felt clueless on how to deal with it. I started thinking that maybe we should sell everything and move to the mountains and be old hippies. We could grow organic vegetables, have a smelly compost pile, get a couple of huskies, chop wood, grow a beard, live off the grid… you know, the whole granola routine. It reminded me of a song… He’s an old hippie, don’t know what to do, hang on to the old or grab on to the new. Well that went nowhere fast. I wouldn’t do that… I’m too practical, too gosh darn practical. Well, sleep helped me forget it all.
On the way to work the next day, one of the radio preachers started talking about how our worth is in God. Wait a minute, how did they know that I needed to hear that? It really made me think about everything that I try to do on my own and how those acts are worthless. True worth comes from God and His gift of salvation, Jesus. I just have to listen and go when I’m called.
On my walk to my office from the parking lot, I continued to think about the day before and what the preacher said. You know the funniest thing happened… a big smile just came. You know the one that is almost a whole body smile… ear to ear, goofy, the one that people look at you funny for… the one that causes all of those laugh lines and feels real good. There it was again. Wow, that sure feels good. Why haven’t I been doing more of this? I have a lot to be thankful for! It just makes me smile! God is good… He has given me an incredible life and family… He was calling me to something really exciting… and best of all, He’s got it under control. I don’t even have to fret about if I’m good enough! It just makes you smile. There it is again. I hope no one sees me… they’ll wonder if I’m one of those people from behavioral health. Oh well, there it is again… actually, I hope they ask me. I want to tell everyone about true worth, true joy in Jesus! This is therapeutic! I wonder if practice makes perfect? Practicing the smile sure feels good!